Friday, January 21, 2011
9021 'OH' Hell No. Beverly Hills Housewives Finale
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Happy New Year!
Even though 2010 was a great chapter… it’s onto the next pages of 2011!
So we are a little over a week into the New Year and all sorts of celebrity dirt has hit the fan faster then a pair of silly bands thrown on stage at a Justin Bieber concert. So here's Da Dish...
In Baby Daddy News:
Congratulations to Owen Wilson who is going to be a Dad. If the mother resembles Barbara Streisand...this kid is screwed. The 'college fund' will be turned into the 'rhinoplasty' fund.
Black Swan’s Natalie Portman is engaged and with child. Her assumed pregnancy cravings: bread crumbs.
A Posh Pregnancy: Victoria ‘Posh’ Beckham is pregnant. I am assuming her 'delivery face' will resemble her 'red carpet face'. A pout and a stare of death into David’s eyes if she hears yet again from the doctor ‘it’s a boy.’
Is Another Kardashian Sister Knocked Up? Rumors are swirling Khloe Kardashian is pregnant because she wore a ‘flowy’ dress to the ‘People’s Choice Awards’ GASP If you saw my wardrobe people would think I have been pregnant for the past three years. She could just be bloated or she could have just left having a big dinner at a Red Lobster with Lamar.
The ‘Ball’ dropped and so did the Singles:
It’s Britney Bitch. Britney Spears finally has new single out which seems like forever, ‘Don’t Hold It Against Me’… and I sadly may have to hold it against her. Although my inner Britney fan is squealing with joy… I am a little disappointed. I wanted Brit to really bring her A game. I settled for the ‘Gimme More’ the single because I knew she was going through her post-Sinead O’Conner hair tragedy but come on … someone needs to give her a grande Frap and a bag of Cheetos and let her bust out her best auto tune voice!
Kanye…He’s a Monster! I am now obsessed with the new Kanye song ‘Monster’ featuring Nicki Minaj and Jay-Z… however, the video was frightening. Basically a modern day ‘Thriller’ video mixed with a 'True Blood" episode. After watching I felt like I needed to repent and go to church immediately…. but instead hit replay.
Break-Ups:
It’s all Kanye West’s Fault. I am so over Taylor Swift and apparently Jake Gyllenhaal is too. I guess he didn’t see much of a future with her and could see the writing on the wall (or in her coloring book) that even in her 30’s she’d most likely be still singing about high school and wearing short sequin dresses. However, it was refreshing to see she graduated from juicy juice boxes to coffee (since every single freaking date they went on was to Starbucks).
In Lindsay Lohan News:
Oh well…who cares anymore? She’s clean today…but there is an 80% chance tomorrow her father, Michael Lohan, will be on Entertainment Tonight discussing another relapse or her and ex girlfriend Sam Ronson arguing at a club while Sam "DJ's" aka "playing her I TUNES account on her laptop."
In TV News:
Kate Gosselin vs. Sarah Palin: I watched the famous ‘camping episode’ on TLC of Kate and her brood of eight going to Alaska to stay in the woods with the Palin family in the cold rain. Kate lost her marbles when she didn’t see a paparazzi camera in sight. There was a lot of childish tears and stomping of feet…. And not from any of the children.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Chelsea and Fifty: Bedtime 'Tweeties'
'You Outta Know': Ryan Reynolds is Single
I would say that this gives the delusional ladies across America hope that they may have a chance with him now, but considering he was engaged to Alanis Morissette anything is possible right?
Now that Alanis is knocked up and married to someone else it must be a 'jagged little pill' to swallow that her ex-slab of meat is back on the market and a line of ladies are standing in line at that deli ready for a piece. I hope Ryan isn't a coffee drinker because me thinks Taylor Swift would be all over this one.
So yes, it is confirmed that Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson have decided to end their marriage after two years. (And surprisingly not because her breasts must have gotten in between them.)
Reason? Sorry Jo-Hoe: 'He's Just Not That Into You.'
Saturday, July 24, 2010
I Cannot Be-Weave Britney.
First 'New Jersey Housewife' Danielle Staub... now Britney?! Someone must have taken a chunk out of her weave because there is no way girlfriend would be seen in public with a nest on her scalp that could house a bird family of five.
Her only destination seems to be Starbucks and she refuses to wear a supportive bra so we are forced to look at her nips that resemble stale cheese balls.
All in all: Brit's lost her hair, her fashion sense and her mind.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
All Time 'Lo'.... Lindsay Will Go to Jail
Well... looks like Lindsay has reached an all time 'Lo'.
The judge sentenced her to 90 days in the slammer followed up by some time in rehab. I imagine it will be like an episode of Oz but with lots of mullets, hoop earrings and eyeliner made out of lead pencils. Fortunatley, Linsday's fake orange tan will match her new jumpsuit.
Perhaps her female fellow inmates will be able to smell her a mile away like she can smell a certain powder substance she is known to do on occasion... allegedly. Lohan gave her sob story to the judge... no really... she was sobbing as she was explaining why she didn't go to her scheduled classes and meetings. It was the best acting I have seen since "Herbie Fully Loaded"... and that car can act. For serious- like Meryl Streep with wheels.
I don't know why but I have an inkling Lohan's love life will take a turn for the better these next few months. Just sayin'....