Psycho Meets Crazy

Really? This is too easy. (Insert inappropriate pill comment here)

Ashley Simpson Evicted from Melrose Place

Ashley Simpson-Wentz was fired off of her new gig on Melrose Place... yes... the three fans who watched I am sure are sad. I think that if her manager father Papa Joe was really smart... he would give The Hills a call.. that is more up her acting alley.

NYC Housewife Will Make It Official...

The Real Housewives of New York City star Bethenny Frankel will become a real housewife...

This self proclaimed Skinny Girl is Engaged!

But she won't be skinny for too long... she is also pregnant!

Congrats Bethenny... celebrate with one of your famous margaritas!

Now a non-alcoholic of drink of course. Cheers. Here's to hoping Jill Zarin is the gawd-matha!

My First Celebrity Crush...

Ok... so I guess my first celebrity crush was really Bill Pullman in Spaceballs but I don't think that counts. I enjoyed the movie but I was too young to understand how stupid it was. Maybe it was the brown leather coat he wore- anyways....I digress.

I used to love this man ... I mean boy.....ummm since I guess he doesn't seem to look as though he went through any kind of puberty. On a for serious note-that beard on his face has been growing since 1997.

Like most girls in their twenties.. I remember him on "Growing Pains" as Luke. Then he got his big break in Romeo and Juliet... you know the movie that made the classic love story modernized and in the point of view of someone tripping on bad acid?

I hated Claire Danes for the longest time but then Kate Winslet was my next archenemy. Titanic hit the theaters and I went from seasick to violently lovesick in about 2.5 seconds. I would buy BOP magazine and Tiger Beat for the fold out posters inside. Pshhh JTT and Devon Sawa... where is Leo? I would say as I rustled through the glossy pages like a drug addict anxiously awaiting their next fix. My bedroom looked like a serial killer lived in it from my magazine wallpaper of his face. My family was actually frightened. I had come down with "Leo Hysteria." Side effects are creepy with a mix of ridiculous.

I don't know what happened. It happens to every girl one time in their life. That celebrity crush that you loved oh so much just fades away. It's like I woke up one morning and took down the Leonard wallpaper I worked so tiredlessly cutting and lunch money thrown away on those teeny bobber magazines. All down the drain.

It would have never worked out between me and my imaginary soul mate. He only dates Victoria's Secrets models and though I worked there for six years of my life at my local mall- I am the girl who sells the bras and panties at the register- not wearing them half naked in catalogs. My diet does not consist of air and water....I don't speak with a funny accent....and I am not pregnant with Tom Brady's love child.

I guess I grew up.... I became a woman.... I moved on to bigger, better and more mature things.

Brad Pitt was my next crush.

Samantha Jonsin' for Miley

I am devastated. I feel like someone just took my favorite blouse and spilt Merlot all over it .That's what they did to my show.... my movie! The SATC sequel has been tarnished by Miley Cyrus. Since when did HBO and Disney make sense? It doesn't.

I do not understand this cameo for the film. All of us SATC fans know that Samantha Jones would NEVER do huggy or kissy faces with Miley Mop Head herself- well unless she became Smith Jarrett's girlfriend. And it's pretty far fetched that these two would wear the same outfit. The only ex Disney star that Samantha would have anything in common with would be Britney -since they both don't wear underwear.

NeNe vs. The Toxic Parrot

I am saying a silent prayer tonight that Jon Gosselin will be Nene's next Insider faceoff.

I have always loved NeNe. She is my favorite "real" (yes... clarify REAL) housewife of the Bravo network. She will tell it like it is. She is one person I want with me when I have spinach in my teeth or a booger hanging from my nose. The fact that Michael Lohan would "try" to have words with the one and only HBIC of Atlanta is beyond me.

January Just Got a Little Colder.....

January Jones of "Mad Men" just shared in an interview with GQ Magazine that ex-boyfriend Ashton Kutcher was not so supportive of her acting. She reveals:

"He was like, I don't think you're going to be good at this." So – f— you! He only has nice things to say now – if anything, I should thank him. Because the minute you tell me I can't do something, that's when I'm most motivated."

*finger snap* Tell em' girl. Because seriously....Kutcher is one to talk about good acting with roles in Dude Where's My Car? and Just Married. C'mon buddy... go cry to your grandma. I mean.. Demi.

Leave it to Beav....

Mel Gibson posing for a picture with Kate Gosselin

Ok.. ok... not really. He is currently filming "The Beaver" on set in upstate New York.

Ummm.. looks like a hit?

Donald-O-Lantern

It's October and pumpkins are the classic symbol for Fall and Halloween...

However, can someone please tell Donald Trump that choosing this orange bronzer is not attractive on his skin and he looks like a Jack-O-Lantern? His makeup artist needs to be fired asap.

Sidenote: This bronzer catastrophe also goes for the sports broadcasters on ESPN. Men... get it together.

Bun in the Oven for Top Chef Host

Something is cooking in the oven on Bravo's Top Chef... and it's not in the kitchen.

Host Padma Lakshmi is pregnant!

Can you imagine her when she has her pregnancy food cravings on set? The production staff is going to have to stock the kitchen full force. I hope the new contestants enjoy cooking things with pickles as the main ingredient.

Nicole Richie and her Mini-Me

Mamma Richie and her adorable little girl Harlow leave Jerry's Restaurant in L.A.

It must be awesome to already be able to share clothes with your daughter who is almost your same size. I kid.. I kid!

Simpson Squared

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz turns 25 and gets her buzz on at the MGM Grand Hotel Casino Wet Republic Pool Party....

Hey Pete... keep your drunk wife away from the pool and her depressed sis Jessica away from those cupcakes will ya?

Katy Perry has been "Brand"ed

Katy Perry kissed a girl and she liked it....

She is allegedly dating British comedian Russell Brand.

Marge Simpson will be in Playboy

Move over little bunnies... make room for a cartoon cougar!

Marge Simpson will be posing for the November issue of Playboy.

Growing up I had watched The Simpsons religiously and I was always mezmerized by Marge's big blue mound of hair on top of her head. Her hair is the perfect mix of a beehive, Bride of Frankenstein and a berry bush all in one. In fact, it's so unique it makes Kate Gosselin jealous. It's the "it" doo in the animation world.

Now that she will be showing some skin in the upcoming October 16th issue I am hoping she makes a visit to Springfield's best waxing salon... uhhh if you know what I mean.

ElisaWitch is Flying Back to The View Oct. 19th

Despite the liberal I am-I honestly wouldn't mind this Republican on The View...

Meghan McCain.

(C'mon Bawbwa- keep this in mind when contracts are up for renewel again.)

Sadly, uber right wing Republican Elisabeth Hasselbeck will be coming back with the ladies just in time for Halloween. Clear the skies....ElisaWitch will be getting her broom ready to fly back to the studio every morning starting October 19th.

*sigh* This makes me sad, but I guess "Hot Topics" will be interesting again.

(and no more Heidi Montag or Khloe Kardashian at the round table hallelujah!)

I am looking forward to fangs and claws out in full force. *hissssssss*

Vince Yawn now in Theaters....

Cover your ears boys and girls... Vince is around promoting his movie on the Today Show.....EARMUFFS!

(And speaking of his new movie)...cover your eyes Vince's new movie "Couples Retreat" is in theaters.

Ok.. ok.. I saw it. It wasn't that bad.

It did make me laugh BUT more so made me want to go on vacation that I can't afford.*hmph* From cheesey comedy to my own tragic drama. Damn you Vince Yawn!

"Southland" has gone South....

When Leno said he was going off the air...why couldn't he just follow through with his promise?

Sadly, the show Southland has gone south...umhum....thanks alot Jay "go away"Leno!Conan has got you covered bro- go retire and enjoy your collection of cars.

Not only is Leno's current 10:00 p.m. show is identical to his previous show but it's broadcast earlier and totally messes with my biological time clock. When it's on tv my body automatically things it's 11:30 p.m... and I need to stay up for my reality shows!

Due to Leno's show airing at 10 p.m. there are no longer any time slots available for the criminally delicious show Southland to return for their second season. I had really enjoyed watching that dude from the OC walk around in his tight cop uniform.

Thankfully, they are shopping the show for other networks. So note to all networks:

please pick up this show!

Da Dish Book of the Week...

Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin

*Warning*Book may cause stomach pain due to laughing, fever due to hot gossip and hand pain due to turning of pages at high speeds.

I've Never Seen This Creature Before......

Dear nice Iraqi woman in the pretty scarf,

I can see you are taken back and speechless: this was my same reaction when I first saw Brad Pitt as well.

Nancy Grace Puts Gross Goss in Check

Someone please give this woman a hug...buy her a drink....give her a high five... something!

This clip is far more amazing then I could ever imagine. The fact that I haven't seen Jon Gosselin look this frightened since months back when he was sitting on that green couch with Kate herself. That glassy blank stare and the uncomfortable chair wiggle...priceless.

In fact, money cannot even put a price on how great Nancy Grace was... well maybe $200,000.. the alleged amount Gross Goss stole from the joint bank account he has with Kate. Just saying....

Gross Goss Shake

Since Jon Gosselin was booted off the TLC hit Jon and Kate Plus 8 (newly renamed Kate Plus 8)he has thrown a bigger tantrum worse than one of his children.

He now all of a sudden doesn't want the show to exist anymore.... which means he now needs a real job. This is the only job he is qualified for.

Douche Strawberry Pineapple Shake anyone?

She's Gonna Make It After All...BUT "The Hills"... Probably Not

*Sigh* am I the only one that misses Lauren Conrad on "The Hills?"

It's just not the same... It's like Mary Tyler Moore leaving her show and having the show still continue another season. Not to mention I don't think I can with stand watching the terrible acting skills of Kristin Cavallari.

However, there is a another terrible character on the show besides Kristin now.

Flesh colored beard was SO last season(holla Joel McHale)... meet "The Pratt Hat...."

I don't really understand it. But I am hoping that since Heidi has turned into a religious freak she prays for this to go away. No...not just that hat... Spencer.

Check out the below clip of this terrible two-some on The View Thursday. Props to Spencer for not wanting to have a baby... I don't want these two procreating.

P.S.Thoughts about Spencer's multi- stone Joan Rivers QVC necklace in this clip? On special for $29.99!

TomKat renamed "TomDog"

Tom and Katie enjoying a nice joy ride together. Katie Holmes needs a hairtcut and a wax ASAP. Woof.

Top Ten List

Top Ten Reasons Why David Letterman Had "Sexual Relations" with his Staff

#10 Bill Clinton did it.

#9 He couldn't control himself when his lady staffers would bend over and pick up the pencils he threw.

#8 It was on the blue cards.

#7 He needed help cleaning the gap in his teeth.

#6 Jennifer Aniston said no.

#5 He has undergone post traumatic stress since Drew Barrymore flashed him.

#4 He forgot he is on CBS not HBO

#3 Since he is on "late night" he thought it would be justifiable.

#2 He wanted to be on his own segment of "stupid dog tricks."

AND NUMBER ONE.....

#1 Paul Shaffer wouldn't put out

From Red Carpets to Basements.....

At first glance I thought this was a vintage picture of Bret Michaels from the 80's. Then I realized it was Lindsay all time LOhan herself. I know it looks as if she is working a pole in a dirty basement... but doesn't it kind of look like a pipe? I am sure she knows her way around both.

This is a picture from her shoot for her leggings line 6126. Yeah..they look practical don't they? Hmm... I don't know about you but I can totally see myself walking into the office in this ensamble. Walk into a bar and men will be doing a double take at the signs to see if they are actually in a "Gentlemen's Club."

Poor Lindsay. You know her manager proposed a "leggings" line for her so she would be able to get out of cars without showing her business. It backfired Team Lohan... but this does look like a fitting career choice. Her girlfriend Samantha Ronson could DJ her dance set.

Brit-nay at Tar-shay

Britney decided to roll out of bed.... grabbed her cheetah print wallet..... and sacheted down the aisles of Tar-shay. I was in shock that she walked right past the Pizza Hut in the front of the store. My only conclusion is that she was on a mission. Was she out of tampons? Was she out of milk? Did the boys need diapers? But oh no... we all know Brit to well. I can only assume she was out of one thing.

Brit must have went to through her kitchen cabinets and realized she was out of .....Cheetos.

From personal experience I think they are in Aisle 5. Oh.. and try to swing by Aisle 8 that's where the underwear section is. But stay away from Aisle 2.. that's where the meds are.