9021 'OH' Hell No. Beverly Hills Housewives Finale

HOLY HOUSEWIVES.

I am obsessed with the whole Bravo Housewives franchise. I can't get enough of Orange County, New York, Atlanta, New Jersey and Beverly Housewives. And FYI I didn't leave out Washington DC because really... who cares about that season? Nobody.

So let's discuss the finale episode of last nights Beverly Hills Housewives shall we?

Oh Camille... Camille. Who could handle the fake toast she did in honor of her husband, Kelsey Grammer, before the Tony Awards?

"To thirteen years of marriage. Cheers." Clink.

She said she thought they could work it out but he was already 'working something out' allright with a twenty something flight attendant. I was waiting for Kelsey Grammer to get all Frasier on her ass and sit down for a session. She doesn't need Kelsey.. she can make money. For example: Camille should come out with her own workout video.. the first exercise being the 'shoulder shrug.'

Camille does enlighten us by saying "I do in my heart believe it's a woman." (insert eyebrow raise here). She begged him to stay in their unhealthy marriage. He said no of course. And five minutes later I imagine she called hear ummm...'dear friend' Nick.

We then see Demi Moore look-alike, Kyle, talking to a psychic and she pulls out her dead mothers ashes and a lock of her mother's hair in a Ziploc baggie.Good thing she didn't mistakenly bring along one of Paris Hilton's (her niece) Ziploc baggies by mistake if you know what I'm sayin'. I was waiting for her to do some weird voodoo stuff but it was just to talk about a disagreement she had with her looney tunes sister Kim.

Taylor and her lips met Lisa at lunch in her restaurant. Buzz word of the lunch was 'put it to bed'... Oye, hasn't Camille been through enough... Kelsey already did that. I digress...Taylor invites Lisa to her birthday party that Russell is throwing.... which means he will be creepily standing there awkwardly holding a glass of booze and looking all over for a cheeseburger tent.

Taylor gave away Snowball, her dog, to a friend since her daughter is allergic. I am sure Lisa's dog, Jiggy, feels victorious being the only 'bitch' on the show... well kind of.

Kim goes to weird make-up artist, Thierry, (yes, that's his name) to learn how to put make-up on at the age of 40 something. She says Kyle knows how to do her makeup because she had more friends and went to school and Kim did not because she worked all the time. Yep... this makes complete sense.

Lisa and Ken are ready for their permanent house guest, Cedric, to pack his speedo and get the hell out. He is thirty something and living there rent free. He doesn't want to leave because he has 'abandonment' issues and he likes having a 'family'. Puhhhhh-leeeaaseee... you are thirty something you should have moved out about ten years ago even if you felt part of the family. He also allegedly dated Lance Bass... in the wise words of his ex... BYE BYE BYE Cedric.

The party began and Kyle came in wearing a black dress with slits up her arms looking like Mauricio's relatives hedged her sleeves with some weed whackers.Taylor was almost late for her party because she had to apply her lip gloss to her bottom lip (extra twenty more minutes). Taylor then shared a romantically awkward ride in limo as her hubby, Russell, was intensely looking at his Blackberry. (I am sure playing Pac Woman because it reminds him of how Taylor eats cotton candy.)

The only interesting thing Adrienne said the whole episode was she was upset with her husband because he'd rather be golfing in Pebble Beach with Marky Mark. Can you blame the guy?

Kim arrives drunk as a skunk and hugs her bestfriend Melody like she's a missing olive from a martini glass. Kyle looks concerned.. probably because she was worried Kim would pull the tinsel weave out of Adrienne's hair. Kim then talks to her former date, Martin,... the 400 year old Richard Gere look alike. He asks if she wants a drink... she says 'she's good' as she walks away white knuckling her wrist.

Highlight of the night: Russell's speech. Oh yes. He clanks his glass to get people's attention with a knife that I wish I could stab my ears with. He grabs her hand and thanks everyone for coming to her '30th birthday' (ha!) saying 'it's a wonderful year and looks forward to next year and Happy Birthday... where is the cheeseburger tent?' OK the last part didn't happen but she did correct him saying she is 39... he replies with 'but really hot for 39'.... you could hear crickets and Camille rolling her eyes across town.

Taylor confronts Kim and the chicken squabble begins. The party looks over with their mouths gaped open in horror. Then Kyle and Kim go at it and sisterly resentment ensued. Kim runs of in tears into the limo and cries to Adrienne and Martin- totally messing up the her makeup that her make-up artist taught her to do.

Cue Kyle coming in the limo and fast forward to Kim screaming 'you stole my house'. Kyle loses her mind and runs to the end of the limo and calls her an alcoholic and exits.

Ending thoughts: this reunion is going to be AMAZING.

Happy New Year!

Even though 2010 was a great chapter… it’s onto the next pages of 2011!

So we are a little over a week into the New Year and all sorts of celebrity dirt has hit the fan faster then a pair of silly bands thrown on stage at a Justin Bieber concert. So here's Da Dish...

In Baby Daddy News:

Congratulations to Owen Wilson who is going to be a Dad. If the mother resembles Barbara Streisand...this kid is screwed. The 'college fund' will be turned into the 'rhinoplasty' fund.

Black Swan’s Natalie Portman is engaged and with child. Her assumed pregnancy cravings: bread crumbs.

A Posh Pregnancy: Victoria ‘Posh’ Beckham is pregnant. I am assuming her 'delivery face' will resemble her 'red carpet face'. A pout and a stare of death into David’s eyes if she hears yet again from the doctor ‘it’s a boy.’

Is Another Kardashian Sister Knocked Up? Rumors are swirling Khloe Kardashian is pregnant because she wore a ‘flowy’ dress to the ‘People’s Choice Awards’ GASP If you saw my wardrobe people would think I have been pregnant for the past three years. She could just be bloated or she could have just left having a big dinner at a Red Lobster with Lamar.

The ‘Ball’ dropped and so did the Singles:

It’s Britney Bitch. Britney Spears finally has new single out which seems like forever, ‘Don’t Hold It Against Me’… and I sadly may have to hold it against her. Although my inner Britney fan is squealing with joy… I am a little disappointed. I wanted Brit to really bring her A game. I settled for the ‘Gimme More’ the single because I knew she was going through her post-Sinead O’Conner hair tragedy but come on … someone needs to give her a grande Frap and a bag of Cheetos and let her bust out her best auto tune voice!

Kanye…He’s a Monster! I am now obsessed with the new Kanye song ‘Monster’ featuring Nicki Minaj and Jay-Z… however, the video was frightening. Basically a modern day ‘Thriller’ video mixed with a 'True Blood" episode. After watching I felt like I needed to repent and go to church immediately…. but instead hit replay.

Break-Ups:

It’s all Kanye West’s Fault. I am so over Taylor Swift and apparently Jake Gyllenhaal is too. I guess he didn’t see much of a future with her and could see the writing on the wall (or in her coloring book) that even in her 30’s she’d most likely be still singing about high school and wearing short sequin dresses. However, it was refreshing to see she graduated from juicy juice boxes to coffee (since every single freaking date they went on was to Starbucks).

In Lindsay Lohan News:

Oh well…who cares anymore? She’s clean today…but there is an 80% chance tomorrow her father, Michael Lohan, will be on Entertainment Tonight discussing another relapse or her and ex girlfriend Sam Ronson arguing at a club while Sam "DJ's" aka "playing her I TUNES account on her laptop."

In TV News:

Kate Gosselin vs. Sarah Palin: I watched the famous ‘camping episode’ on TLC of Kate and her brood of eight going to Alaska to stay in the woods with the Palin family in the cold rain. Kate lost her marbles when she didn’t see a paparazzi camera in sight. There was a lot of childish tears and stomping of feet…. And not from any of the children.

Jersey Shore is Back and fists are pumping... at each other. There is a new a roommate in the house and her name is Deena. The only thing missing from the first episode was a pool of jello because it was a wrestling fest between all of the female roommates. Bikinis optional...thanks to Deena.

Chelsea and Fifty: Bedtime 'Tweeties'

Fifty Takes Chelsea to the 'Candy Shop.' Chocolate in bed anyone?

Well if this isn't proof of an unexpected yet adorable hook up between E!'s late-night comedian Chelsea Handler and rapper 50 Cent I don't know what is.

She took this pic to her Twitter page saying "I don't know why anyone thinks I would ever date a rapper."

Well Chelsea.... maybe because of Exhibit A (above) and Exhibit B (below):

'You Outta Know': Ryan Reynolds is Single

Christmas came early this year- the sexiest man alive is single!

I would say that this gives the delusional ladies across America hope that they may have a chance with him now, but considering he was engaged to Alanis Morissette anything is possible right?

Now that Alanis is knocked up and married to someone else it must be a 'jagged little pill' to swallow that her ex-slab of meat is back on the market and a line of ladies are standing in line at that deli ready for a piece. I hope Ryan isn't a coffee drinker because me thinks Taylor Swift would be all over this one.

So yes, it is confirmed that Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson have decided to end their marriage after two years. (And surprisingly not because her breasts must have gotten in between them.)



Reason? Sorry Jo-Hoe: 'He's Just Not That Into You.'

I Cannot Be-Weave Britney.

Britney Meltdown # 4,529


First 'New Jersey Housewife' Danielle Staub... now Britney?! Someone must have taken a chunk out of her weave because there is no way girlfriend would be seen in public with a nest on her scalp that could house a bird family of five.

Her only destination seems to be Starbucks and she refuses to wear a supportive bra so we are forced to look at her nips that resemble stale cheese balls.

All in all: Brit's lost her hair, her fashion sense and her mind.

All Time 'Lo'.... Lindsay Will Go to Jail

Well... looks like Lindsay has reached an all time 'Lo'.
The judge sentenced her to 90 days in the slammer followed up by some time in rehab. I imagine it will be like an episode of Oz but with lots of mullets, hoop earrings and eyeliner made out of lead pencils. Fortunatley, Linsday's fake orange tan will match her new jumpsuit.

Perhaps her female fellow inmates will be able to smell her a mile away like she can smell a certain powder substance she is known to do on occasion... allegedly. Lohan gave her sob story to the judge... no really... she was sobbing as she was explaining why she didn't go to her scheduled classes and meetings. It was the best acting I have seen since "Herbie Fully Loaded"... and that car can act. For serious- like Meryl Streep with wheels.

I don't know why but I have an inkling Lohan's love life will take a turn for the better these next few months. Just sayin'....

Elisabeth Sees RED...Kathy Griffin

Reason # 783 of why I love Kathy Griffin.

KG was on The View yesterday and I you can visibly see Elisabeth Hasselbeck seeing RED....and I am not talking about Kathy's hair.

Seperated at Birth

Cyndi Lauper and Christina Aguilera

J- OWWWWW CH!

Clearly Snooki mistook J-Wow's boob for a pickle on the MTV Movie Awards red carpet.

This is like a car wreck I cannot take my eyes away from. J-Wow looks like she got her dress from a Victoria's Secret semi annual sale clearance rack in about a size too small.

And you know Snookster fell asleep in a tanning bed for longer than 15 minutes. Our little sausage has skipped the G in GTL and worked up an appetite. We know milk does a body good Snooks.. but this is going way too far. Whehhhhhh.

No Sex and Abu Dhabi 2

The real title of the new 'Sex and the City 2" movie should have been called:
"No Sex and Abu Dhabi 2."

I am heart broken that they ruined my show so tragically. The first movie was "ehhh" and Carrie was crying about 95% of the movie but atleast I got to see my girls an the main character of it all... NEW YORK CITY!

I have been an avid SATC fan since I could remember. Yes...I LOVED getting together with the ladies every Sunday night on HBO. I would dance around to the catchy iconic opening music "da doo da doo da na na na na" like an idiot and flinching when Carrie got splashed by the bus in her cute poofy dress.

I watched Samantha hump man after man week after week...Charlotte say idiotic comments that would come out of Elisabeth Hasselback's mouth on Hot Topics of 'The View'... Miranda be the red headed & pasty spitfire with intelligence always putting one of them in their place.. and scream at Carrie weekly that she should be with Aiden not Big.

Just when this sequel teased me airing commercials that Aiden would be in the movie... I was horrified to see he was only in the movie about FIVE minutes total out of 2 and a half hours. How dare they trick me so?!

There was about 2 sex scenes total on Samantha's behalf... totally unlike the whore I so fondly know through the years. It just wasn't right. The movie felt unauthentic. It felt like cheesy lines were thrown in that weren't funny. It actually made me feel uncomfortable. Oh and don't even get me started on Liza Minelli singing Beyonce- it should be a crime.

All in all I could break it down bit by bit of why I disliked this sequel but it would go on forever.

The only good things was....I got to see some dear friends again.

'Golden Girl' Will Be Missed....

Rue McClanahan better known as Blanche from 'The Golden Girls' passed away last week. She was like the Paris Hilton of the senior citizen world and will be missed.

Thank you for being a friend Rue!

BUT.... She's Just Being Miley?

Please...mother's across America cover your children's eyes because Miley Cyrus wants you to know that she cannot be TAMED.

That's right...Disney Schmizmey! She is denying "kissing a girl" and liking it on stage because she must do some damage control for her younger fans who still worship Hannah Montana. She is getting older and Miley wants to be more grown up... and by that I mean following in the footsteps of Lindsay Lohan. I have a feeling they could even share jewelry one day. I hear those "SCRAM" bracelets are now super trendy.

Right Linds? I hear they even change color!

Dear Spencer: Kiss Your Marriage Goodbye

Gary Busey's long lost son,Spencer Pratt, has come to realize that not even his magic crystals can save his marriage.

Heidi Montag grew some balls finally... (I mean boobs)... and was seen today leaving the Santa Monica, California courthouse filing for seperation against her douchebag of a husband.

There is rumor this may be a hoax since the couple is known to be hungrier for fame than Kirstie Alley is for a bucket of chicken.

Seperated at Birth

Tom Cruise at the 2010 MTV Movie Awards and Real Housewife of NYC Jill Zarin's husband Bobby.

Houewife Has Sex Tape? Staub It Right Now!

Greeeeaaaat. This lump of leather has her own sex tape coming out this month and rumor has it she is blowing more than bubbles these days.

Bravo's most controversial New Jersey Housewife,Danielle Staub, is stirring more havoc in the neighbwhorehood and I am sure her fellow cast mate Theresa is flipping a table somewhere at the news.

There are pics leaking out all over the internet but because I am still shaking in a corner rocking back and forth trying to forget about the scary images I will not post them. Just imagine a lizard with Disney villan eyebrows and lopsided breasts.

Happy Easter DaDishees!

Here is some vintage CoCo having a chat with the Easter 'Gossip' Bunny....

DaDish of the Day.... Joel McHale's 'Soup'

Move over Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray... this guy makes a bad ass serving of Soup.

Yep... no need to be ashamed of staying home on a Friday night wrapped up in a comfy cheetah Snuggie. Joel makes it all worth while. Usually dressed in his tight suit and skinny tie he is always ready to poke fun at daytime, primetime and reality stars.

*sigh* he may indeed be my soulmate.

That's why he gets my Sunday DaDish shout out... counting down the days until Friday for his yummy serving of Soup- so meaty.

Open Letter to Jesse James

Jesse James and Tiger Woods walk into a bar.....

These two pathetic jerks have many things in common... but one thing in particular... they are dogs. No quite literally-DOGS. First they were humping and panting with all of these nasty 'bitches' and now they have their tail between their legs.

You all have read my open letter to Tiger Woods. Here is my letter to Jesse James.

Dear Jesse James,
You have the most beautiful and funny wife ever. Who doesn't love Sandra Bullock? Her snorts are like music and violins to America's ears. She has made an amazing leap in her career and is now an Academy Award winning actress.

(Yeah... she has another man in her life too. His name is Oscar and he treats her like GOLD.)

She would gush about you to the press even though she has dated gorgeus men like Matthew McConaughey and Ryan Gosling. Even though you aren't attractive in the slightest, speak as if you are a caveman and the only cool thing about you is your tatoos and motorcycles she was still head over heels for you. She loved you despite your flaws- and you have many my friend. I mean... you were fired by the orange pumpkin head himself... Donald Trump FIRED you.

Now it's your wife's turn to fire you from your job as "husband." Yes- please collect your belongings and leave your key. Also, you will not be able to use her as your reference for your next job as 'husband'.

And just like Tiger, you cheated with the most whore-endous group of women. Oscar Award Winning Actress or THAT.... hmmmm tough choice right?

Now, I know you have allegedly put yourself into rehab. You are seeking out treatment to make you better from this horrible disease of sex addiction you say you have....but the only thing that I think will help you right now (since you are a DOG) is if you are neutered. Yep... cut those 'bad boys' off.

Goodluck with your treatment and remember... the only thing you will be riding for awhile will be your motorcyles.

Sincerely,
Your Non-Fan
Erica DaDish

Anna Paquin 'Gives a Damn'

Sookie likes vampires.... and also girls.

Anna Paquin also known as Sookie from 'True Blood' has admitted she is bisexual.

Why would she bring this issue to the spotlight when she is currently engaged to her vampire costar 'Beeeeeel' aka Stephen Moyer?

For a GREAT cause. Fighting for equality supporting the "Give a Damn" campaign.

Check out it:

http://www.wegiveadamn.org/

Whatever Jennifer Wants.... Jennifer Gets

In this case... perfume.

I adore my favorite celebrity girl next door. She is sweet, beautiful and most importantly funny. In fact, right now she is straight up hilarious. Jennifer Aniston is launching her very own desperation in a bottle. She is naming her new perfume (drum roll).... 'Lola Vie.'

My first thought... really? Ughhh. Really.

I only thought celebraties like Paris, Mariah and Britney come out with perfumes. But Jennifer Aniston seemed on another level than that. Side note: Just put a dagger through my heart now if her perfume sits next to the Ed Hardy counter.

But back to the name 'Lola Vie.' Which according to Us Weekly translates to "laughing at life" in French. Last time I checked Jen didn't have much to laugh about... hmmm....cry maybe. I have come to the realization that Jen doesn't really have a gift for coming up with names. I mean she named her dog after every 80 year old man who smells like he pooped himself...Norman.

Why couldn't Jen have come out with a hair product collection? I would buy that in a hot second. Shampoos, conditioners, hairspray, mousse... anything! Just like I have a dream to be a writer... my hair aspires to be like Jennifer Aniston's locks. This is distrubing to me she didn't go in this direction.

But I guess if her scent catches men like Brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper and Gerard Butler... I may have to jump on the bandwagon. But there had to have been a better option to name this perfume name- but I guess I will have to respect her choice. After all, J-Lo Glo was already taken.