I Cannot Be-Weave Britney.

Britney Meltdown # 4,529


First 'New Jersey Housewife' Danielle Staub... now Britney?! Someone must have taken a chunk out of her weave because there is no way girlfriend would be seen in public with a nest on her scalp that could house a bird family of five.

Her only destination seems to be Starbucks and she refuses to wear a supportive bra so we are forced to look at her nips that resemble stale cheese balls.

All in all: Brit's lost her hair, her fashion sense and her mind.

All Time 'Lo'.... Lindsay Will Go to Jail

Well... looks like Lindsay has reached an all time 'Lo'.
The judge sentenced her to 90 days in the slammer followed up by some time in rehab. I imagine it will be like an episode of Oz but with lots of mullets, hoop earrings and eyeliner made out of lead pencils. Fortunatley, Linsday's fake orange tan will match her new jumpsuit.

Perhaps her female fellow inmates will be able to smell her a mile away like she can smell a certain powder substance she is known to do on occasion... allegedly. Lohan gave her sob story to the judge... no really... she was sobbing as she was explaining why she didn't go to her scheduled classes and meetings. It was the best acting I have seen since "Herbie Fully Loaded"... and that car can act. For serious- like Meryl Streep with wheels.

I don't know why but I have an inkling Lohan's love life will take a turn for the better these next few months. Just sayin'....