Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I would say that this gives the delusional ladies across America hope that they may have a chance with him now, but considering he was engaged to Alanis Morissette anything is possible right?
Now that Alanis is knocked up and married to someone else it must be a 'jagged little pill' to swallow that her ex-slab of meat is back on the market and a line of ladies are standing in line at that deli ready for a piece. I hope Ryan isn't a coffee drinker because me thinks Taylor Swift would be all over this one.
So yes, it is confirmed that Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson have decided to end their marriage after two years. (And surprisingly not because her breasts must have gotten in between them.)
Reason? Sorry Jo-Hoe: 'He's Just Not That Into You.'
Saturday, July 24, 2010
First 'New Jersey Housewife' Danielle Staub... now Britney?! Someone must have taken a chunk out of her weave because there is no way girlfriend would be seen in public with a nest on her scalp that could house a bird family of five.
Her only destination seems to be Starbucks and she refuses to wear a supportive bra so we are forced to look at her nips that resemble stale cheese balls.
All in all: Brit's lost her hair, her fashion sense and her mind.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Well... looks like Lindsay has reached an all time 'Lo'.
The judge sentenced her to 90 days in the slammer followed up by some time in rehab. I imagine it will be like an episode of Oz but with lots of mullets, hoop earrings and eyeliner made out of lead pencils. Fortunatley, Linsday's fake orange tan will match her new jumpsuit.
Perhaps her female fellow inmates will be able to smell her a mile away like she can smell a certain powder substance she is known to do on occasion... allegedly. Lohan gave her sob story to the judge... no really... she was sobbing as she was explaining why she didn't go to her scheduled classes and meetings. It was the best acting I have seen since "Herbie Fully Loaded"... and that car can act. For serious- like Meryl Streep with wheels.
I don't know why but I have an inkling Lohan's love life will take a turn for the better these next few months. Just sayin'....
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Clearly Snooki mistook J-Wow's boob for a pickle on the MTV Movie Awards red carpet.
This is like a car wreck I cannot take my eyes away from. J-Wow looks like she got her dress from a Victoria's Secret semi annual sale clearance rack in about a size too small.
And you know Snookster fell asleep in a tanning bed for longer than 15 minutes. Our little sausage has skipped the G in GTL and worked up an appetite. We know milk does a body good Snooks.. but this is going way too far. Whehhhhhh.
The real title of the new 'Sex and the City 2" movie should have been called:
"No Sex and Abu Dhabi 2."
I am heart broken that they ruined my show so tragically. The first movie was "ehhh" and Carrie was crying about 95% of the movie but atleast I got to see my girls an the main character of it all... NEW YORK CITY!
I have been an avid SATC fan since I could remember. Yes...I LOVED getting together with the ladies every Sunday night on HBO. I would dance around to the catchy iconic opening music "da doo da doo da na na na na" like an idiot and flinching when Carrie got splashed by the bus in her cute poofy dress.
I watched Samantha hump man after man week after week...Charlotte say idiotic comments that would come out of Elisabeth Hasselback's mouth on Hot Topics of 'The View'... Miranda be the red headed & pasty spitfire with intelligence always putting one of them in their place.. and scream at Carrie weekly that she should be with Aiden not Big.
Just when this sequel teased me airing commercials that Aiden would be in the movie... I was horrified to see he was only in the movie about FIVE minutes total out of 2 and a half hours. How dare they trick me so?!
There was about 2 sex scenes total on Samantha's behalf... totally unlike the whore I so fondly know through the years. It just wasn't right. The movie felt unauthentic. It felt like cheesy lines were thrown in that weren't funny. It actually made me feel uncomfortable. Oh and don't even get me started on Liza Minelli singing Beyonce- it should be a crime.
All in all I could break it down bit by bit of why I disliked this sequel but it would go on forever.
The only good things was....I got to see some dear friends again.
That's right...Disney Schmizmey! She is denying "kissing a girl" and liking it on stage because she must do some damage control for her younger fans who still worship Hannah Montana. She is getting older and Miley wants to be more grown up... and by that I mean following in the footsteps of Lindsay Lohan. I have a feeling they could even share jewelry one day. I hear those "SCRAM" bracelets are now super trendy.
There is rumor this may be a hoax since the couple is known to be hungrier for fame than Kirstie Alley is for a bucket of chicken.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Greeeeaaaat. This lump of leather has her own sex tape coming out this month and rumor has it she is blowing more than bubbles these days.
Bravo's most controversial New Jersey Housewife,Danielle Staub, is stirring more havoc in the neighbwhorehood and I am sure her fellow cast mate Theresa is flipping a table somewhere at the news.
There are pics leaking out all over the internet but because I am still shaking in a corner rocking back and forth trying to forget about the scary images I will not post them. Just imagine a lizard with Disney villan eyebrows and lopsided breasts.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Move over Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray... this guy makes a bad ass serving of Soup.
Yep... no need to be ashamed of staying home on a Friday night wrapped up in a comfy cheetah Snuggie. Joel makes it all worth while. Usually dressed in his tight suit and skinny tie he is always ready to poke fun at daytime, primetime and reality stars.
*sigh* he may indeed be my soulmate.
That's why he gets my Sunday DaDish shout out... counting down the days until Friday for his yummy serving of Soup- so meaty.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
These two pathetic jerks have many things in common... but one thing in particular... they are dogs. No quite literally-DOGS. First they were humping and panting with all of these nasty 'bitches' and now they have their tail between their legs.
You all have read my open letter to Tiger Woods. Here is my letter to Jesse James.
Dear Jesse James,
You have the most beautiful and funny wife ever. Who doesn't love Sandra Bullock? Her snorts are like music and violins to America's ears. She has made an amazing leap in her career and is now an Academy Award winning actress.
She would gush about you to the press even though she has dated gorgeus men like Matthew McConaughey and Ryan Gosling. Even though you aren't attractive in the slightest, speak as if you are a caveman and the only cool thing about you is your tatoos and motorcycles she was still head over heels for you. She loved you despite your flaws- and you have many my friend. I mean... you were fired by the orange pumpkin head himself... Donald Trump FIRED you.
Now it's your wife's turn to fire you from your job as "husband." Yes- please collect your belongings and leave your key. Also, you will not be able to use her as your reference for your next job as 'husband'.
And just like Tiger, you cheated with the most whore-endous group of women. Oscar Award Winning Actress or THAT.... hmmmm tough choice right?
Now, I know you have allegedly put yourself into rehab. You are seeking out treatment to make you better from this horrible disease of sex addiction you say you have....but the only thing that I think will help you right now (since you are a DOG) is if you are neutered. Yep... cut those 'bad boys' off.
Goodluck with your treatment and remember... the only thing you will be riding for awhile will be your motorcyles.
In this case... perfume.
I adore my favorite celebrity girl next door. She is sweet, beautiful and most importantly funny. In fact, right now she is straight up hilarious. Jennifer Aniston is launching her very own desperation in a bottle. She is naming her new perfume (drum roll).... 'Lola Vie.'
My first thought... really? Ughhh. Really.
I only thought celebraties like Paris, Mariah and Britney come out with perfumes. But Jennifer Aniston seemed on another level than that. Side note: Just put a dagger through my heart now if her perfume sits next to the Ed Hardy counter.
But back to the name 'Lola Vie.' Which according to Us Weekly translates to "laughing at life" in French. Last time I checked Jen didn't have much to laugh about... hmmm....cry maybe. I have come to the realization that Jen doesn't really have a gift for coming up with names. I mean she named her dog after every 80 year old man who smells like he pooped himself...Norman.
Why couldn't Jen have come out with a hair product collection? I would buy that in a hot second. Shampoos, conditioners, hairspray, mousse... anything! Just like I have a dream to be a writer... my hair aspires to be like Jennifer Aniston's locks. This is distrubing to me she didn't go in this direction.
But I guess if her scent catches men like Brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper and Gerard Butler... I may have to jump on the bandwagon. But there had to have been a better option to name this perfume name- but I guess I will have to respect her choice. After all, J-Lo Glo was already taken.