Sunday, April 4, 2010
Move over Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray... this guy makes a bad ass serving of Soup.
Yep... no need to be ashamed of staying home on a Friday night wrapped up in a comfy cheetah Snuggie. Joel makes it all worth while. Usually dressed in his tight suit and skinny tie he is always ready to poke fun at daytime, primetime and reality stars.
*sigh* he may indeed be my soulmate.
That's why he gets my Sunday DaDish shout out... counting down the days until Friday for his yummy serving of Soup- so meaty.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
These two pathetic jerks have many things in common... but one thing in particular... they are dogs. No quite literally-DOGS. First they were humping and panting with all of these nasty 'bitches' and now they have their tail between their legs.
You all have read my open letter to Tiger Woods. Here is my letter to Jesse James.
Dear Jesse James,
You have the most beautiful and funny wife ever. Who doesn't love Sandra Bullock? Her snorts are like music and violins to America's ears. She has made an amazing leap in her career and is now an Academy Award winning actress.
She would gush about you to the press even though she has dated gorgeus men like Matthew McConaughey and Ryan Gosling. Even though you aren't attractive in the slightest, speak as if you are a caveman and the only cool thing about you is your tatoos and motorcycles she was still head over heels for you. She loved you despite your flaws- and you have many my friend. I mean... you were fired by the orange pumpkin head himself... Donald Trump FIRED you.
Now it's your wife's turn to fire you from your job as "husband." Yes- please collect your belongings and leave your key. Also, you will not be able to use her as your reference for your next job as 'husband'.
And just like Tiger, you cheated with the most whore-endous group of women. Oscar Award Winning Actress or THAT.... hmmmm tough choice right?
Now, I know you have allegedly put yourself into rehab. You are seeking out treatment to make you better from this horrible disease of sex addiction you say you have....but the only thing that I think will help you right now (since you are a DOG) is if you are neutered. Yep... cut those 'bad boys' off.
Goodluck with your treatment and remember... the only thing you will be riding for awhile will be your motorcyles.
In this case... perfume.
I adore my favorite celebrity girl next door. She is sweet, beautiful and most importantly funny. In fact, right now she is straight up hilarious. Jennifer Aniston is launching her very own desperation in a bottle. She is naming her new perfume (drum roll).... 'Lola Vie.'
My first thought... really? Ughhh. Really.
I only thought celebraties like Paris, Mariah and Britney come out with perfumes. But Jennifer Aniston seemed on another level than that. Side note: Just put a dagger through my heart now if her perfume sits next to the Ed Hardy counter.
But back to the name 'Lola Vie.' Which according to Us Weekly translates to "laughing at life" in French. Last time I checked Jen didn't have much to laugh about... hmmm....cry maybe. I have come to the realization that Jen doesn't really have a gift for coming up with names. I mean she named her dog after every 80 year old man who smells like he pooped himself...Norman.
Why couldn't Jen have come out with a hair product collection? I would buy that in a hot second. Shampoos, conditioners, hairspray, mousse... anything! Just like I have a dream to be a writer... my hair aspires to be like Jennifer Aniston's locks. This is distrubing to me she didn't go in this direction.
But I guess if her scent catches men like Brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper and Gerard Butler... I may have to jump on the bandwagon. But there had to have been a better option to name this perfume name- but I guess I will have to respect her choice. After all, J-Lo Glo was already taken.