Sunday, December 27, 2009

Can't Wait to be CARRIEd Away... Again! SATC 2 Trailer!

2010 will bring good things... I can feel it... in fact I KNOW it!

On May 28th I will get to see my four very bestfriends again. I will get to gawk wide eyed at Carrie's fashion. It never fails- even when I watch this clip- I first look at her outfits and think how ridiculous she looks then I realize the genius behind them. Kind of like Lady GaGa- it is frightening at first... then once you take a longer look it just makes sense.

I watched the trailer and will admit right when I heard Alicia Keyes in the background singing "New Yooorrkkk" with clips of the city and then wait for it... wait for it... Carrie walk out of those double doors I did a squealing shriek much like a little girl watching the Twilight series for the first time.

The goosebumps raised on my arm and I reverted back to that young girl in my pajamas sipping a glass of cheap Pinot Grigio while stuffing my face with gobs of Smartfood popcorn on a Sunday night with the remote clicking to HBO. My dreams captured in a 30 minute show with SJP living the life I so wished for.

I am not sure what is up with the vacation to the desert and camels but I cannot wait to find out. Mark your calendar ladies and gents' (since you will be dragged there by your girlfriend).... summer just got a little hotter! Literally... I mean seriously where are they in the Sahara?

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Avatar in 3D is a MUST SEE!

Put down your shovel if you were caught in this snowstorm over the weekend and clear off your car and drive to the closest movie theater and see this movie.

When I first saw the previews for this I thought to myself, "great, humanized Smurfs on steroids" but then I became sort of intrigued. I went to the movie theater and got my bucket of overly buttered popcorn (Paula Deen would be proud) my super size Coca Cola Classic and was handed these super weird 3D glasses out of hard plastic. What? No more paper thin glasses with the red and blue lenses? Oh yes, we've come a long way my friends.

The movie began and even though it was 2 hours and 40 minutes (sorry if you have restless leg syndrome) it goes by quickly and you become consumed in the world of Pandora. A MUST SEE in 3D!

Saturday, December 19, 2009


UNICEF Ball Honoring Jerry Weintraub - Inside

Ari Gold- if this is your new client please make Mr. Pitt aware that he needs to shave that monstrosity off of his chin. It looks like he went to a nearby hair salon and took the sweepings off the floor and used one of Maddox's glue sticks and matted it to his face. The sexiest man alive should not have a chia pet growing anywhere on his body. Go get Llyod to do a makeover stat!

Friday, December 18, 2009

My Open Letter to Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods announces he will take an indefinite break from golf

Dear Tiger Woods,

I have one word for you..... ROARRRRR!!!!

What on earth were you thinking? You are married to a hot wife who is not only sexy AND classy but she can actually withstand watching your boring game of golf.

Putting... walking... putting.... walking.

My God! How horrible is this game?! Atleast with basketball there is some action, passing and running... baseball there is the anticipation "will he hit" or "will the other team catch the ball" and football people are running and trampeling over each other. With golf you just wear silly clothes and take a swing really hard hoping your mini ball will go in a small hole. Maybe this is where your sexual frustration comes from huh?

Who would have thought this type of athlete would get so many chicks? Not only did he cheat on his wife with NUMBEROUS women (what are we up to now 75?) but all of the women are skank-a-licious. They are like one degree short of "crack whore." Seriously Tiger. Now I have to see you on all of my magazines- blowing up my front covers with my normal and enjoyable stories about Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson being lonely. You are on my NBC news shows morning, noon and night as well as my yahoo homepage on a consistent basis. I have to hear cheesey jokes like "Tiger in Bed!" and "He's a Cheetah!"

The only thing that has seen more action than your sex life is my credit cards this Christmas season. Now get some help for your sex addiction and go see my homeboy Dr. Drew. I will see you on next season of Celebrity Sex Rehab. Don't listen to your sponsor Nike.... Just DON'T Do It!

Sincerely your non-fan,


Goodbye Gross Goss!

Negative Media Attention Doesn't Scare Jon Gosselin's fans away!

Jon and Kate are no longer... they are FINALLY divorced as of today.

The new equation to figure out: Kate- Jon + 8 = a hell of a lot of child support.

Gross Goss has to stop spending money on cigs and Ed Hardy gear and start footing the bill for his herd of children. I smell more interviews, tv spots and hosting gigs in the future. Ughhh... just go away already! The next thing you know he is going to be dating one of Tiger Woods mistresses to get more paparazzi time.

"The Real Idiots of Nu Joisy"

2009 Spike TV's Video Game Awards

Ok- so first there was the Real Housewives of New Jersey that created some hype and fascination as being the "real life Sopranos on martinis" instead of crack. Bravo provided us with these crazy table flipping, big haired, blue eye shadowed and fake boobed “prostitution whoas”. My eyes are still regaining sight from being blinded by so much gold illuminating from the television on Thursday nights. For example:

*sigh* I dont know why this clip brings joy to my life.I am sure one of Teresa's girls will be a cast member on The Jersey Shore when they grow up making Mamma proud!

MTV then had an idea. They had the True Life epidoses focusing on the Jersey Shore which seemed to be successful- and we have some fascination with this self proclaimed species called "guidos" and "guidettes" that only goes out at night, wears sunglasses indoors, goes tanning to the point of orange and enjoy going to the gym everday. Instead of pulling a Lindsay Lohan that mysterious powder on their face is some residue from protein shakes. Their sole job on the show besides partying is to work at a t-shirt shop on the boardwalk- something easy for their brains that are the size of my pinkie almost like the size of the guys in the house’s…. ayyy ohhh ayyyy...I digress.

So let’s meet some of the obnoxious characters in the cast that is creating a stereotypical catastrophe for Italians like myself to overcome for years and years. I may have a brother named Tony and an Uncle Vinny and we enjoy eating pasta and meatballs but it stops at that. None of this hot mess on my tv taking over my Thursday nights. It is cutting into my Real Housewvies of Orange County time... my DVR hates me for enjoying this ridiculousness.

Let’s first meet Snookie. Yes- she is called Snookie. She looks like a smaller, rounder and orange Christina Aguilera from her “Dirty” phase (i know-the irony). If this show does not give her any professional success she can always apply for a job at Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. She is proclaimed the “airhead” of the show- her hobbies include: talking on a “duck” phone, shoving her tongue down any person's throat in a hot tub and eating pickles inappropriately. She is known for the punch seen round’ the world- you know you have seen it. She gets clocked in the face by a disgusting excuse for a man. (note: MTV pulled this clip that has ALREADY aired in the previews from the show to not promote violence against women- BUT they can air interviews constantly with Rihanna and Chris Brown splashing disturbing pictures across the screen of the incident) I am sure the jackass that punched Snookie is going to try to tell the judge he was just dancing and doing his native dance: “the fist pump.”

Then we have J-Woww. Her most recognizable trait….her skunk hair… excuse me… I mean weave. Ladies.. you know skunk hair when you see it. Dark black hair with random chunky streaks of Pamela Anderson blonde running throughout. I don’t understand it and I never will – it does not look attractive. It distracts me from her short, tight Kelly Bundy dresses and ginormous boob job she got done before the show. She has a boyfriend at home, however, cheats on him with the ultimate Gotti wanna-be of the house…. Pauly D.

Pauly is the ultimate DB- he is what Jon Gosselin strives to be but cannot completely fulfill since he has like 100 kids. Pauly is like the outcasted Gotti brother that was sent away from the family. He has the dark blowout hair, orange skin, buff and his outfit of choice consists of sunglasses, a popped button down OR a t-shirt with feathers, wings and glitter or some crap like that. Some other drama going on in the house is Mike also known as “The Situation” ( I am not going to even talk about this hot mess because he is a seperate blog post of his own) who has a crush on “Sammi the Sweetheart” but she likes meathead Ronnie. Vinny doesn’t have anything going on with any one because he is like the Urkel of the show. The only interesting thing he has done is get pink eye.

All I know is that the hottub that they are sharing needs to be bleached and the crabs found in their house are not from the beach. This outrageous group of people has caused so much negative buzz that Dominos pizza has actually dropped their advertising from the show. They already had a PR mess with those employees putting their nether region hair in the pizza... now THIS!? Honestly Dominos... I dont even know which is worse at this point.