Friday, December 18, 2009

"The Real Idiots of Nu Joisy"

2009 Spike TV's Video Game Awards

Ok- so first there was the Real Housewives of New Jersey that created some hype and fascination as being the "real life Sopranos on martinis" instead of crack. Bravo provided us with these crazy table flipping, big haired, blue eye shadowed and fake boobed “prostitution whoas”. My eyes are still regaining sight from being blinded by so much gold illuminating from the television on Thursday nights. For example:

*sigh* I dont know why this clip brings joy to my life.I am sure one of Teresa's girls will be a cast member on The Jersey Shore when they grow up making Mamma proud!

MTV then had an idea. They had the True Life epidoses focusing on the Jersey Shore which seemed to be successful- and we have some fascination with this self proclaimed species called "guidos" and "guidettes" that only goes out at night, wears sunglasses indoors, goes tanning to the point of orange and enjoy going to the gym everday. Instead of pulling a Lindsay Lohan that mysterious powder on their face is some residue from protein shakes. Their sole job on the show besides partying is to work at a t-shirt shop on the boardwalk- something easy for their brains that are the size of my pinkie almost like the size of the guys in the house’s…. ayyy ohhh ayyyy...I digress.

So let’s meet some of the obnoxious characters in the cast that is creating a stereotypical catastrophe for Italians like myself to overcome for years and years. I may have a brother named Tony and an Uncle Vinny and we enjoy eating pasta and meatballs but it stops at that. None of this hot mess on my tv taking over my Thursday nights. It is cutting into my Real Housewvies of Orange County time... my DVR hates me for enjoying this ridiculousness.

Let’s first meet Snookie. Yes- she is called Snookie. She looks like a smaller, rounder and orange Christina Aguilera from her “Dirty” phase (i know-the irony). If this show does not give her any professional success she can always apply for a job at Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. She is proclaimed the “airhead” of the show- her hobbies include: talking on a “duck” phone, shoving her tongue down any person's throat in a hot tub and eating pickles inappropriately. She is known for the punch seen round’ the world- you know you have seen it. She gets clocked in the face by a disgusting excuse for a man. (note: MTV pulled this clip that has ALREADY aired in the previews from the show to not promote violence against women- BUT they can air interviews constantly with Rihanna and Chris Brown splashing disturbing pictures across the screen of the incident) I am sure the jackass that punched Snookie is going to try to tell the judge he was just dancing and doing his native dance: “the fist pump.”

Then we have J-Woww. Her most recognizable trait….her skunk hair… excuse me… I mean weave. Ladies.. you know skunk hair when you see it. Dark black hair with random chunky streaks of Pamela Anderson blonde running throughout. I don’t understand it and I never will – it does not look attractive. It distracts me from her short, tight Kelly Bundy dresses and ginormous boob job she got done before the show. She has a boyfriend at home, however, cheats on him with the ultimate Gotti wanna-be of the house…. Pauly D.

Pauly is the ultimate DB- he is what Jon Gosselin strives to be but cannot completely fulfill since he has like 100 kids. Pauly is like the outcasted Gotti brother that was sent away from the family. He has the dark blowout hair, orange skin, buff and his outfit of choice consists of sunglasses, a popped button down OR a t-shirt with feathers, wings and glitter or some crap like that. Some other drama going on in the house is Mike also known as “The Situation” ( I am not going to even talk about this hot mess because he is a seperate blog post of his own) who has a crush on “Sammi the Sweetheart” but she likes meathead Ronnie. Vinny doesn’t have anything going on with any one because he is like the Urkel of the show. The only interesting thing he has done is get pink eye.

All I know is that the hottub that they are sharing needs to be bleached and the crabs found in their house are not from the beach. This outrageous group of people has caused so much negative buzz that Dominos pizza has actually dropped their advertising from the show. They already had a PR mess with those employees putting their nether region hair in the pizza... now THIS!? Honestly Dominos... I dont even know which is worse at this point.

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