Friday, December 18, 2009
My Open Letter to Tiger Woods
Dear Tiger Woods,
I have one word for you..... ROARRRRR!!!!
What on earth were you thinking? You are married to a hot wife who is not only sexy AND classy but she can actually withstand watching your boring game of golf.
Putting... walking... putting.... walking.
My God! How horrible is this game?! Atleast with basketball there is some action, passing and running... baseball there is the anticipation "will he hit" or "will the other team catch the ball" and football people are running and trampeling over each other. With golf you just wear silly clothes and take a swing really hard hoping your mini ball will go in a small hole. Maybe this is where your sexual frustration comes from huh?
Who would have thought this type of athlete would get so many chicks? Not only did he cheat on his wife with NUMBEROUS women (what are we up to now 75?) but all of the women are skank-a-licious. They are like one degree short of "crack whore." Seriously Tiger. Now I have to see you on all of my magazines- blowing up my front covers with my normal and enjoyable stories about Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson being lonely. You are on my NBC news shows morning, noon and night as well as my yahoo homepage on a consistent basis. I have to hear cheesey jokes like "Tiger in Bed!" and "He's a Cheetah!"
The only thing that has seen more action than your sex life is my credit cards this Christmas season. Now get some help for your sex addiction and go see my homeboy Dr. Drew. I will see you on next season of Celebrity Sex Rehab. Don't listen to your sponsor Nike.... Just DON'T Do It!
Sincerely your non-fan,