Monday, July 27, 2009
Bet You Didn't Know... Bradley Cooper Likes Angels, Blowfish and Spiders
So apparently Bradley Cooper is downgrading his taste in women. As you may have caught on by now… I relate everything to food. Including people. Bradley started off with a filet mignon steak and downgraded to a chicken nugget. Let me explain…
He was first spotted on a date with Jennifer Aniston a few weeks ago. Major jackpot. Major. That "Hangover" luck rubbed off on him. I mean Jennifer is so cuteaful (mixture of cute and beautiful) and the ultimate angelic girl next door. She is the perfect balance of sweet and sexy. I was impressed. I actually was approving of this couple. Especially since Jen cannot catch a break after Brad Pitt. But this Brad... I was thinking could have worked. Hence….she was the Filet Mignon.
Then he went and jumped off the deep end of the waters … and found himself a blowfish. Renee "Squinty Eye" Zellweger. What are you thinking Bradley Cooper? You went from a delicious cut of steak to trying out this bloated blowfish? What’s going on with your taste pallet? Needless to say, this couple didn’t work either. I mean, are you surprised?
Now this doesn’t end here. There is more tragic dating news. He was seen out recently with Denise "Spider Eyebrow" Richards! She may have a hot body, (we’ve all seen "Wild Things") however, when you look at her face her eyebrows look like arachnophobia. Two hairy little spider legs above her eyes. Uck… I am twitching to tweeze just thinking about it.
So I end the dating meat chain with Denise as the chicken nugget. Some of you may not understand… but… we all know anything with Denise Richards is "Complicated". (Kudos to those who get this joke...)