Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Many Chickens in the Sea....

Jessica Simpson Wanted By The Mob Of Fans At Dinner!

Breakups are a pain in the ass… and Kim Kardashian is feeling the pain. There just wasn’t enough room in the relationship for three people. Kardashian’s ass kept butting in and Reggie Bush couldn’t turn the other cheek anymore. And since Kim was so attached he had to let them both go.

No but really… there must be something in the Fruit Punch Gatorade these football players are drinking this past month. Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson were the first to start the breakup trend.

According to the National Enquirer Romo not only broke up with Simpson the night before her birthday… he allegedly did it in the parking lot of an IHOP and in the midst of their fight told her to get out AND drove away. OUCH. She would have to actually get some exercise and walk somewhere?

How cruel can you be Tony Romo? Fluffy pancakes and birthday cake will NOT take the pain away from what you did to her but it will sure taste scrumptious when she is scarfing them down wearing your Dallas Cowboys jersey watching Pretty in Pink on TNT in her bed with her dog Daisy (who was given to her by her ex husband). Hasn’t she suffered enough with her recent weight gain.. are you trying to turn her into Kirstie Allie?

Next thing you know Trimspa will be calling up Pappa Joe Simpson looking for her to be their new spokesperson. She is already having trouble getting work. She signed on for another reality show on VH1 I am sure following Rock of Love STD Bus and I anticipate her doing about ten more Proactive commercials in the near future to give to more money to her stage father.

See Jessica. There weren't that many "chickens in the sea" were there? This is what you get for leaving Nick Lachey.Yes, he may have been a cheesy boy bander with that obnoxiously annoying tribal tattoo around his bicep. But don’t judge him… it was the cool thing to do about seven years ago. If you hold that against him you’ll have to say the same for all of the girls who have a tramp stamp.

I mean he cleaned your pool, did work around the house with his "little person" brother Drew and tolerated your slimy gum chomping father. How are you going to get better than that? You cant. So why don’t you do us all a favor and get back with your ex husband so I can add to my Newlyweds dvd collection “Newlyweds Again. Nick and Jessica.”

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