Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Gross Goss.... No Mas

Jon Gosselin Goes To Polo in the Hamptons

Go away OCTO-Daddy. John Gosselin… you used to sit mute on the couch next to Kate during your confessional scenes on your show…not a peep. Well you couldn’t really because Kate would have a skitzo attack if you coughed or sneezed. But NOW… you won’t shut your mouth! You are again on my cover of “In Touch Weekly." Can’t I just go to the grocery store and get my tabloid glossies with my favorite cover ever… “Brad, Jen and Angie” or whichever celeb is fat this week?
I was frustrated when you began to shop out of K-Fed’s closet, I was annoyed that you bought a NYC apartment when your eight children live in a different state and I was appalled when you became best buddies with Michael Lohan. But you are really starting to cross the line with me… your anticipated “solo” reality show should be called “Gross Goss” followed up by “Cake Boss” on TLC. That show has a fat Italian who bakes cakes for a living -which holds more interest to me than you and your mid life crisis of a life.

I used to feel so bad for you. I used to wish you would throw a bucket of water on Kate so she would melt and your eight little monkeys could fly free. But now…. you are in the mix of a love triangle with a Star reporter and a girl that aced her “Binge Drinking and Falling into Plants 101” Class. While Kate would play religious songs to the children…. I have a hunch that your little youngin’ of a girlfriend would try to teach the kids to spell with songs like “Ferga-Lious” “D to the E to the L-I- C- I- O- U -S” or “this shhhh----- is bananas B –A–N-A-N-A-S. Not right.

Thank God Kate is more of a man then you are- someone needs to take care of those cute kids. It will be beneficial for both you and Kate to watch them before Angelina mistakes one for Maddox or Pax. Here’s an idea Gross Goss… why don’t you stop trying to go back in time and binge drink (we all see the buddah belly) and stop dating twenty something butta face girls and focus on your kids and getting a “real job” and stop pimping yourself out to Ed Hardy. You may be a daddy but that’s the cut off… your not Puff.

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