Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The Mayer of Music... not in Love

John Mayer acts as his own roadie and driver as he leaves an intimate gig at the Hotel Cafe

When I heard “your body is a wonderland…” on the radio my candy lips dropped open with a sense of awe. I was bewildered by this new and unique musician hitting the music scene. But now…present day....I just stick out my bubble gum tongue. This bad taste in my mouth could have started with his bad love life decisions. I mean… Jennifer Love WHOit, Jessica "what did I do ROMOng" Simpson and the ever so "lovely but lonely" Jennifer Aniston.

Mayer actually picked “Twitter” over talking and maintaining a long distance relationship with Aniston while she was away promoting her film. He didn’t have time for the most famous and beautiful women to grace the planet but had time to type he was “eating a sandwich” on the knock off site mirroring Facebook status updates for twits. Who does that? Who does he think he is?

I can tell you one thing he may think he is a deeper Justin Timberlake but I see him as the younger and cuter version of Michael Bolton... but give him twenty more years. He must not be sane. I give him another month and he’ll be following in poor Mischca Barton’s footsteps to the looney toon house. He’ll have time to write a ton of love ballads.

But on a serious note, I am trying to understand what draws powerful celebrity women to him. I too enjoyed him when he had “long” hair…( it was a cross between a Pantene pro-v commercial but in a masculine straight guy kind of way). I appreciated the time it took to look like he wasn’t doing his hair… even though I am sure it takes him hours to get those whimsical strands tousled in front of his face. I also enjoyed the tight white shirts… what girl doesn’t?

I enjoy all these things until he opens his mouth and that weird “morph” face that he does while singing- almost like he’s in pain. It’s ok John you can stop... you may be in pain but so are my ears.

I don’t think John knows what profession he wants to do. He is a singer yet you can tell his first choice was to be a comedian… but there was a major problem… he isn’t funny. But God love him he tries… we all chuckled at his “Borat” cruise ship photo in that lime green speedo. It wasn’t that funny but I thoroughly enjoyed the thought that went into this comedic “package.”

I don’t mean to bash John Mayer. He is talented and I do have him on my ipod. He is a great stress reliever when I fight with my boyfriend. I just turn on some Mayer in the car and sing along to his wales… however… I like my love ballads more refined. *cough* Michael Buble anyone? (Jennifer Aniston... pay attention. Grab a spoon.. it's time for a new flavor of the month.)

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